woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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