she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If I die, sorry about rent.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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