I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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