Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
