Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize