Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
