just come out here and I will go home with you...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
