HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
