Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
