Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
