with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
