i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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