Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why are your pants in the freezer?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
