if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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