hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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