the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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