a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize