I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
