I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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