More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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