Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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