Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
