I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
