your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
