I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
