on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
