I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
