Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize