it wasn't lemon gatorade
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
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