You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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