I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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