My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
