She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
