all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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