Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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