If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Who died my cat blue again?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize