Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
