i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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