Sry I called you an 8
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize