Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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