I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
