I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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