I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
