piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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