i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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