Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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