It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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