I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
