I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
