Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
