This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
