I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
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