life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
