she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
