Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My penis needs a shock collar
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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