But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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