Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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