My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
