im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize