Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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