I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
