Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
