Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
