I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize