I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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