Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
