Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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