He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
