I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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