I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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