Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
