So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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