the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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