Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
