It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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