Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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