Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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