i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
