Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
