Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
