piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
