Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So drunk its hurt
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
In America we eat man semen.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
