What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
