just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
