I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
