His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
