A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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