Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
