she looked like the before picture.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
