Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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