She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize