Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You know, be my cock's hype man.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
