she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
