It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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