oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
