You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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