Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
