Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You made out with two different species that night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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Randomize
