butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
