I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
