You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
