PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
