I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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