The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
