I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
