My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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