I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
