fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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