Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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