Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Come on in and take your pants off
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